reasons why i shouldnt be allowed to make stuff

i have a confession. i think i am not a very good crafter. i am a good knitter, but i need to follow the pattern. i am not good at improvising, or making stuff up as i go. oh, thats not quite true. im good at adapting things to fit (necessity being the mother of invention) and im good at socks with no pattern (you’d want to hope so after all this time). but otherwise, i lack imagination, visually speaking. and i really have a serious hand-eye co-0rdination problem (ask anyone who’s been a passenger in a car im driving).

other craft type things, beyond knitting, forget it. i couldnt even sew a straight line with a sewing machine in year 9 ‘textile and design’ class. so when it came to making a christmas decoration for my old sydney stitch n bitch group xmas high tea gathering, i struggled. firstly i left it too late. im blaming work for that. secondly, i aimed too high to start off with. i went for a large intricate lace snowflake using silk thread. i couldnt get the cast on right, but tried valiantly for two days before throwing it across the room in disgust. by then it was friday morning and i was out of options. i had a sudden brainwave to have a bit of fun, and ran off to my LYS where i picked up a kit for a little knitted something. it involved ‘novelty yarn’ so it was always meant to be kind of funny, but not quite as funny as it turned out. let me tell you the whole story!

i started it friday night, but it was too awkward to knit on the train up to sydney. i knitted socks instead

and admired the various views – stanwell park just north of home

sydney harbour on a sunny day as i headed to roseredville.

then i knitted like a demon all afternoon saturday in between playing cars with connor

the thing slowly started to take shape.

it wasnt a lot of fun to work with, this novelty  yarn. awkward and annoying. and it made jane sneeze. by midnight the thing had been sewn up, turned inside out and stuffed.

it was grotesque. it had a bald spot on the top. jane crocheted a little star for the top and it was lovely but didnt help diguise the unmitigated ugliness. i’d dropped stitches. it didnt sit up straight. my seaming was shit. and the yarn. god it was ugly*. i thought about not going but sunday came and off i went into the city anyway and met up with kris first to go see the latest installment of the ‘love story of bella and edward, who did not sparkle but broke a bed’. it was good. traumatising and hilarious but good. then we had chilli dogs and parmesan and truffle fries for lunch. sooo good!

then it was a mad dash through the rain down to The Rocks where the knitters had gathered for a high tea.

sandwiches, strawberries and cream, scones, cupcakes. and knitted tea cosies. and then came time for the gift swap. because shes good like that and doesnt take herself too seriously, kris made me tell her which one was my monstrosity and she grabbed it when it was her turn.

i was so embarrased by it but she thought it was hilarious. as did everyone else. its better that its gone to someone who will put silly boggle eyes on it and treat it with the irony it deserves! somehow (cough) i managed to end up with kris’ little handmade felt trees.

they are sitting proudly on my mantle piece next to buddha. they are the only christmasy type thing in the house. maybe i need to make myself an ironic yarn barf tree.

although i think i should probably just stick to socks.

k xx

* i should add that all issues with this pattern are of my own making and not in the design or pattern, which were really quite good!

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About DrK

researcher, knitter, dog lover View all posts by DrK

14 responses to “reasons why i shouldnt be allowed to make stuff

  • gidgetknits

    I love the yarn barf tree! I hope it does get boggle eyes! And most of all, I loved that you shared this.

  • Kris

    I love it! So much nicer than something perfect and personality-free. 🙂

  • jp

    The Yarn Tree was fine and your reaction was priceless I can still hear that giggle in my head.

    I was totally in awe of many of the gifts. They were truly inspirational.

    Oh and by the way. I’ve been in the car with you a number of times (including on strange roads) and not felt unsafe for a second.

  • RoseRed

    I think boggle eyes are the perfect finishing touch!

    (but I really don’t ever want that novelty yarn anywhere near me ever again! All that sneezing! And runny nose! And itchy eyes! Urgh!)

  • Domna lee

    I can make things up on the fly if i sew but not when i knit. I just can’t “see” them. I am getting ready to make some round bottomed project bags without a pattern. I know what they should look like , it’s just the cutting of the fabric that is nerve wracking. Mistakes can’t be ripped out.

  • Yarna

    I think I have the same problem with crafty things. I need to follow instructions because I have a major lack of imagination.
    Having you at the tea was far more important than the gift so I’m glad that you did come. And, I thought the tree was hilarious!

  • travellersyarn

    Thanks for the honesty in crafting. I’m glad that you still went to the party – the tree is quite cute!

    I bought some of the kidsilk haze novelty yarn – I wonder if it will also give me grief?

  • 1funkyknitwit

    I think the tree was an absolute success, we all laughed with you not at you 🙂 ..and for the record having been in your car, I think you drive just fine. Thinking of that tree still makes me smile, it was a great day out with laughs a plenty !

  • kgirlknits

    hehe…great tale 😉 what’s a crafted christmas tree for if not a little giggle?

  • faeryfay

    HILARIOUS! Love it! You’ve made me laugh out loud!:-)

  • 2paw

    Yes, time at Christmas is very timey-wimey. I aim too high and I have to lower my expectations or work smarter. I am glad your creation went to an appreciative home!!!

  • Sarah

    You not a crafter? Admittedly your tree does try and prove you right but I know it’s not true 🙂

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