love in every stitch

once upon a time, a psychologist type person told me that i was ‘a head on a stick’. in other words, i was somewhat disconnected from my feeling self, which resided in my mythical body somewhere.

well, little micheal man, not today, i am not. lately i have just been one big blob of feeling. its horrifying to me, not just because its feelings (and i say this despite the fact that my myers-briggs type is INFJ) but because i cant control them. i have lots of stuff going on around me thats making me sad, but nothing that i have  not been able to talk myself around from before. apparently, that might be part of the problem. because you can only push things down for so long, and they have a way of boiling over, or sneaking up and biting you on the arse. bad.

i am usually really good at talking myself around from sad or dark spaces by reminding myself how much i have to be grateful for, and i really do have an awful lot. i know that everyday. i see it all around me. but sometimes its not enough. i dont want to be one of those whingy types, but i think its important too to talk about life when its hard and frustrating and painful. we all have dark days, all have struggles and difficulties, and i am no more or less than anyone else in that regard. sometimes my tendency to be grateful can mean that i dont let myself feel sad or sorry or self pity, and those are all important parts of emotional well being.

at any rate, i went to see my dr again this morning. i feel like i am turning into an old person before my eyes. i had a list of things to talk to him about. a sore foot = metatarsalgia ( remedy = new running shoes, seeing an exercise physiologist, no running and Voltaren). skin thing = blood test plus continued hormone related treatment. sad thing = referral. sigh.

but still, i am grateful. i am alive. i am no longer part of an abusive family. ive reconciled with my sister. its been 16 years since i knocked myself out with mind or mood altering substances. i have a job, a house, my puppies. i am surrounded by love and compassion, and if i need a reminder of that, i got one yesterday. apart from hanging out with some of my favourite people, eating lots of yummy food, and knitting heaps, i got a belated birthday present from my wonderful friend georgina. it was a quilt.

i am amazed. i cant believe this beautiful thing was made just for me.

so much work, and attention to detail,

with love in every stitch, she said. i can feel it too, and it makes me cry. sad and happy tears at the same time. sad and happy, just like life.

k xx

About DrK

researcher, knitter, dog lover View all posts by DrK

18 responses to “love in every stitch

  • Bells

    oh my. She did so well. Clever George! It’s beautiful. I love that it’s blue, that it’s not too busy and that it’s for you. How wonderful!

  • Donna

    Beautiful! I’m not a coper, never have been. I’m the type to fall apart at the mere hint of a drama, so I admire people who can cope at all, never mind how long you’ve kept yourself going!

  • Yarnosophy Bron

    That is such a beautiful quilt – and a beautiful friend who gave it to you. I love the various blues with the plain cream – perfect!

    There’s only so much being positive and upbeat that a person can do. I usually manage, but sometimes you just need to let yourself feel it for a bit; snuggle into a love-made quilt, drink hot chocolate, play sad music and have a cry. If it’s only for a little while, and not your whole life, then there’s nothing wrong with that.

  • Ailsa

    Oh wow. What a beautiful quilt. It’s the same colour as that blue one you liked that was crocheted!

    Life. It’s up and down. It’s ok to wallow a little, like Bron said, and I know you’ve said this too – it’s more than fine for a while, not your whole life.

    And the truth is, you don’t know what great discovery is around the corner. That’s why we keep going.

  • justthreadtwiddling

    What a beautiful gift.
    When I was in nursing school we had to do a rotation at the state mental hospital. My mom had recently died and suddenly all the crap that I had saved about our abusive relationship came bubbling up like lava from a volcano. The noise from the ward just overwhelmed me. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes you just have to let it out to make room for all the good coming along!

  • jennifer

    Lovely blue quilt. All those little blue boxes, neatly laid out, like life isn’t sometimes. There are light and happy blue ones, to balance out the dark ones.

  • LynS

    That quilt is so beautiful – what a loving gift. You might take some comfort in remembering that you do things that give other people pleasure and which they appreciate, such as making splendid sponge cakes and writing this blog. I do hope things clear…soon.

  • Rose Red

    That is a gorgeous quilt. I love love love quilts like this, boxes of colour with white around them. Clever lovely George.

    How wonderful to have a permanent reminder of the good person you are and how others love you and think so highly of you.

    • drkknits

      it is truly wonderful, as are all these lovely heart warming comments. i feel so much better just having written this post. oh, and ive been eating mozart kugeln. they help a lot! 😛

  • D

    What to say? Its a non-stop roundabout of ups and downs as you say, but that quilt, and your friends, well, they are special. Enjoy them all…you deserve it.

  • Leonie

    It’s a beautiful quilt in gorgeous colours. So fresh and clean. Georgina did a fabulous job and you will know you are loved every time you see it and wrap yourself in it. I’m so happy for you 🙂

  • donna lee

    That looks like a perfect spring quilt. The colors are balanced and even (and incredibly neat).

    I am taking a list of aches and pains to the doctor next week. Most of it is just getting old but I know some of it is suppressed emotions. Even knowing this, I can’t always let them go. It feels almost self indulgent when I have so much good in my life. You’ve had some upheavals lately and because you’re thoughtful about things, I believe it will settle back down and you’ll be all the better for it.

    And you have New York!

  • missfee

    Wow the quilt is lovely

    and as Lyn says you bring a ray of sunshine with your blog and sponge cakes- life is not perfect and without the hard how would we recognise the good bits.

  • Sue

    Everyone’s said what I was going to say but I will add that I think you are one of the most giving and loving people I have ever met and most deserving of such a beautiful quilt. AND you make great sponge cakes!

    Even so, sometimes we can’t control the dark feelings and I think it’s sensible to get help. Hope you feel properly better soon.

  • Melissa

    Wow, what a beautiful quilt. We all need some handmade love from time to time.

  • Knitdra

    I just wanted to give you a great big hug after reading that and wrapping yourself in the quilt may have the same result. What a truly beautiful expression of friendship. Snap on the Myers Briggs too, again we’re in good company. I really must try one of the Mozart’s, you have me so curious now! Axx

  • sue

    Yay for you realising that something is not quite right and actually going to the doctors and doing something about it. I suffer from depression and severe anxiety which has come back to haunt me again lately so I had to make a trip to the doctors. I am not feeling 100% better yet but I just have to think back to last time when I couldnt even leave my house and know that I will improve. I hope that your journey is a much more pleasant one down the track and that things will change for the better. It just takes time.

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